Puja's Adventures

Sunday, April 15, 2007

dying in varanasi

The moment i stept into my guest house I became inseperable with 2 fantastic guys, just happy, relaxed, funny perfect company. we had heaps of adventures together and laughed alot and it was such a great time. We even found the most beautiful lake that is connected to the ganges but is a fresh waterfall so safe to swim in. They invited me to go to Nepal with them to go trekking, bunjee jumping, generally continuing the fun simply across the border, and they really really wanted me to go with them and I loved their company but suddenly I wanted to die. I don't want to alarm anyone but I was overcome with the worst anxiety of my life and being surrounded by death wasn't helping. I stopped eating for days. And I really thought that i would shrivel away in my guest house like the Indians that come to the dying rooms in Varanassi and get my body burnt and thrown into the river. Why not?
These guys were exactly what I needed for my soul. They say India is a spiritual place where people go to find themselves and I think company is a big role in the search. I have changed so much since leaving Australia and i didn't even realise it but hanging out with them made me feel like the old laura, the person who I used to be and I was petrefied to maintain lving in these old old shoes and be in Nepal. How could I go with them to Kathmandu and be a tourist and return to India!!!? I simply have way too many attachments to stroll in and out again of that city, sit in a bar and go into the mountians. I even thought about going and not telling anyone so i could be a selfish tourist but I couldn't bring myself to it and i dont ever want to see Nepal in this light. Nepal is the little sister I never had.
Basically now I feel like it has to be over. There is no more India left I feel like going to, it's too hot all the tourists are heading to Kathmandu and I think it's time for me to finish my journey. Paris and Tokyo can wait, they're not dissapearing as far as i know anytime soon.
I love Nepal with my heart and soul, there is no other place in the world like it. I feel so complicated about this country, i can not describe how many emotions it evokes in me. I know I will be returning time and time again but right now the time is not right. I need to touch down in Australia first and return with a clearer and focused plan of attack.
I LOVE YOU NEPAL I LOVE YOU NEPAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwa


  • At 12:48 AM, Blogger Basanta Gautam said…

    I don't remember how I happened to come across this blog. I was deeply moved by your love to Nepal.

    Thank you.


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