Puja's Adventures

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


i havent written in a while because i havent done anything in a while. there are no interesting stories to write: wake up. cup of tea. vegimite toast. physio. exercise. bike. stretch. more tea...etc
so instead of doing 'stuff', i've been thinking. alot. ah, thinking you say, thats a new one, havent done that one in a while. its a funny existence this not doing anything. a little lonely and i sympathise with old people, unemployed people, sick people, prisoners, babies, basically anyone that does "nothing". for me its been a process of adjustment and im still learning. see cats have the advantage of having a ping-pong-ball-sized-brain, and are plenty amused by napping, snacking, purring and miaowing. unfortunately us humans need a little more stimulation. we need stress, it is very healthy to have things going on in your life because it creates motivation and life feels numb without it. but now this is where the important lessons begin, and it all stems from having nothingness and being able to see the world alot clearer. being too busy and too stressed to stop and ask yourself are you happy is a breach of human existance. such a simple realisation but so crucial. being happy is the only way a human being can function properly.

No one likes being preached at if they dont want to hear it or they're 'too busy' so if you are one of these people you dont have to read any further. thanks to the wonders of modern technology you can walk away unlike the old Greek man at the bus stop you cant escape from when he smokes in your face and tells stories about fishing and souvlaki when you really dont care...but anyway, i really want to share what im learning at the moment. its no secret i've been depressed since my leg and i've had the space to ask a lot of deep questions about human behaviour. i never realised that so many people dont follow their heart. they just ignore the most powerful and inspirational tool our body gave us. i guess its so easy to fall into the trap of living however is in front of you because it is comfortable. you could be happier but changing your life seems too difficult or too flimsy or spontanious and even though this jobs not perfect or my house mates B.O. forces me to breathe in a gas mask, i'll just put up with it..why? dont people realise you can rebel against it. there are some things that are out of our control but there are a lot of things that we dont realise we can influence. and you can change some things but you simply cant change others. change just happens and youve got to accept. life is so volatile and fragile, the big picture is out of our control. stuff happens when you least expect it so dont believe anything will last for ever and definately learn non-attachment. physically: houses burn down, fashion comes and goes, (yes, even if you are 'alternative') couches get saggy, photos fade and things you buy dont stay with you when you die. bodily: bones are not unbreakable, condoms are not unbreakable, nails will always grow, people get cancer, people get AIDS...and these things just happen. the body is just a vessel weve been given for a lifespan. i love this line by ani difranco she says, "my body is borrowed yeah, I got it on loan for the time in between my mum and some maggots"

ive realised that after uni i became a victim of my own accords. Even though i was saving for travelling which is something important ive decided to do, it obviously takes money, and i fell into the 9-5 trap, which didnt allow me the sufficient time i needed to be me. seriously. how quickly does a weekend fly by and monday morning rolls in. yuk. what would be the point of getting into the real laura if i had to wake up the next morning to conform? so i was a yo-yo, i conformed to the 20something stereotype of a working girl, feeling so aggitated by making lattes all day that i counteracted it with partying non-stop and laughing. but when you're hung over and you work on limited sleep every day you're life is only full of floating level existence and you giggle in that blurry haze of reality. the tempting part is everyone tells you 21 is the funnest time of your life, so should i be living carefree and not worry about anything else? is this why older people get jealous of youth because they have no responsibilities. So now I can see how it is easy to lose ambition to do anything more in the world when you set up a cruisy life.

So now that i've had three months of 'me-time' i'm emerging with a new attitude. a delicate balancing act of seemingly afflicting perspectives under an umbrella of righteousness. i want to always hold dear to my soul 'open mindness', 'acceptance' and 'compassion' but at the same time I don't want to be as sweet and gentle as i used to be and i'm not afraid of 'rebelling', 'eliminating negative energy' and 'standing alone'. this is who I am becoming on my path to inner and outer peace. as Lauryn Hill says "be free man".

i've been listening to her alot, lately she seems topical to my life especially the MTV unplugged album. its a massive shift from her first album and the honesty of her spirit needs to be applauded. shes not afraid to be raw, both musically and spiritually regarding the real struggle for freedom, which comes down to "freedom to be who I am".

"i gotta find peace of mind
i know its possible...
What a joy it is to be alive
To get another chance, yeah
Everyday's another chance
To get it right this time"

shes got a lot to say and ive benefited from really listening to her words imensly. trying hard to understand her perspectives and her journey of unlearning...